Choosing The Right Partner
Personal relationships bring more fulfillment into our lives and we all want and need someone to share our life with. Naturally, people are looking for different things when choosing a potential partner. Some of us are looking for a mate to form a bond with, in order to have a family and produce a next generation. Others are looking for a true soul mate or companion. In first instance, a person tends to concentrate on the physical aspects of the potential partner and the emotional factors that fit their agenda. In the second case a person is looking for certain non physical values within another partner. In either case it is difficult enough to get it right. Typically people get blinded by the things in their partner that they really like and tend to overlook the negative traits.
Dr. Steven Peters, a consultant psychiatrist and an author of The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Program to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence, and Happiness offers a highly practical and effective approach to choosing a right partner for a lasting relationship. Firstly, physical and emotional qualities of the person should matter equally to their human values. Secondly, after figuring out those qualities, it is useful to perform a simplistic exercise. Have a sheet of paper divided into three columns, and fill in the first column with the good qualities of your potential partner. These are the things that you like in them and that make you feel attracted. In the second column, write down all of the not-so-good points. These are the traits that you are not very fond of but that don’t bother you too much. Here it goes the third and the most important column, with the things that you can not put up with and would like to change.
Now that you have your columns done, you can remove the first column and do not think about it. The reason being, the good and attractive qualities tend to blind us to not so good points of the person we are attracted to. The second column is also to be ignored. The not so-good-points are the traits that you can easily put up with, therefore not too damaging. The third column, with the points that you can not accept and would like change, is the only one you should be concentrating on. The reality is, to change another person is extremely unlikely to happen. So if you have put down anything in the third column then it really means that you can not live with that person. In other words, the relationship is doomed from the very beginning. Research looking at lots of couples revealed that whenever there is even one item in the last column, the relationship is unlikely to last.
According to Peters one single feature that you can not accept in your potential partner is like a drop of poison that makes otherwise delicious meal uneatable. Just as a small amount of poison in your food will make you ill equally just one irresolvable or unacceptable difference with your partner will make you suffer emotionally. Therefore, look at the third column carefully and be honest with yourself as much as you can. Getting yourself into a stable emotional state will attract many people and a right partner among them eventually. Finding the right partner is not an easy task but it is worth it.